Riding in cars as boys

Every guy I know was curious about driving at a very early age. Heck, most guys I know actually went out and did the nasty with their old folks cars. The nasty, more often than not, involved stealth that would make what Bond, James Bond does look like child’s play.

Richard was the craziest guy in school…seriously, we did a poll and he came out on top. He was the type who occasionally wore school uniform and only had combed hair at the beginning of the term (when he showed up with his mum). Basically, we all envied his position; yes, even the geeks (of course none of us said it). Anyway, this guy had the unique privilege of going clubbing with a car. We always wondered how he did it…here’s how: now if you are in your S.6 or S.4 vacation, please stop here. The rest is adult content to be discussed over a few beers…ahem, beverages. Barman, a.k.a Normzo, get us some beers. Onto that adult content. Now, Richard’s parents lived on a hill in some suburb. Legend has it that agent Richard would wait till all was still, get the car keys (probably after putting some sleep-inducers in his parents’ drinks), head to the garage, open it and roll the car out of the garage. The legend goes on to say that he’d let the car roll way down the hill before starting it and driving off into the sunset…or sunrise…or darkness…you get the point. The ooohhs, and aaahhss, and the giggling girls were probably worth all the effort. Come to think of it, my philosophical talk never got the girls giggling…maybe I should have done a car thing…there’s a thought. Anyway, back to the legend of agent Richard. See, heading downhill was the easy part. High on giggles, ooohss, aaahhss and a few bottles of mubisi (you couldn’t buy much on pocket money) the dude would have to send the car uphill, back into the garage. Strangely, the legend left this part out. I keep guessing…

Was talking to Fred recently and somehow he got round to telling me about the time he run off with his old man’s car. It was a Benz. It guzzled fuel like a black hole. It was low on fuel. He had no money. He just wanted to drive ‘around the block’ and then park it. It stopped 20meters later. His dad didn’t find out. Of course he found out. If it was America, they’d have called it child abuse. Fred’s still alive.

I was in a taxi sometime. Car ahead of us suddenly swerves and almost hits us. Taxi driver swerves just as fast and dodges it. The driver flossing, “Me I am a senior in driving.” I love the implications of the word ‘senior’ so he had my attention.

“I started driving when I was 12 years and a few days old. I was so short, I had to put cushions on the seat just to see where I was going.”

We didn’t bond long enough for him to tell me how many times he’d crushed the car. Going by his swagger, it wouldn’t have been long before he started saying how he drove this and that president around.

Me? Well, I first tried my hand at the wheel in vacation. I figured I’d watched people drive long enough to be able to just get in and get it right. Stole the keys (good thing family doesn’t read this blog…). Got in. Started it. Recalled the few tips about reversing that elder brother had given me. Reversed. Simple stuff. Could have done it asleep. Garage is the type where you reverse straight out the gate, into the road. The sweat started. Wanted to drive back into the garage. The lack of balancing lessons started to show. It’s at this point that I should add that I’d been so sure of myself, I’d hustled baby sister into the passenger seat, promising to drive her to the neighbors (which was a few meters away). Tried desperately to balance. Failed. Car jerked, failed to control it, it hit the gate. The car light got smashed. Apologized to baby sister, said we’d go another time. Curious passerby (and great Samaritan) assessed the situation and offered to park the car for me. He parked it, said ‘you are welcome’ and off he went. I love this country. Run to the local mechanic, who doubles as my buddy. He assessed the car, said how much I’d need. Sped off to the ATM, damn thing swallowed my card. My first experience with bank lack of empathy. Used my school fees instead (I had no choice, see?). Spent 110,000/=. My parents never found out. Yes, the car light I had installed was obviously newer than the other one.