Hot off the press

I’m wearing one of those power suits…the Chinese run around the news room, playing kawuna. These people know how to have fun…but it’s a news room! 1 minute to go…I straighten my tie. Check for any snakes…Can’t have them reptiles sneaking up on me as I read the news. I reach for juice…30 seconds to go. Drat! I’ll have to do without the juice. My Barry White voice won’t come out right but…F it, let’s do this…

Good evening to you, my name is ‘A newsreader named Sleek’ and I bring you this week’s round-up of news in Blogville and the rest of the world.

Leader at a place near where I live covered in dust by the people he leads for failure to deliver a tarmac road he had promised them earlier. They said that they were tired of the dust so poetic justice pushed them to ‘dust’ the guy. These people mean business!! And now word from my snoops has it that he had also promised them toilets…

I love Lulu…na, that came out wrong. I love what Lulu has done with the whispers. Baz, the next

victim, has options to the left, options to the right, options straight on…and its an own goal! I should become a commentator. Though she reduced all the stuff everyone else had written to a soap…ten soap writers.

Cheri walked onto the big-ass stage. She’d done jigs this big time and time again. But it had been so loooong. She last did a jig back when MC Hammer was the ish.

That guy really had some tight trousers…and by tight, we are talking slang here. Word from his buddies has it that the poor dude usually got erections while performing so it was a camouflage technique.

Yes, Cheri got onto the stage and instead of the two-hour, sweaty frenzy of a performance that the intoxicated crowd was expecting, she did a poem…one stanza actually. But it was Cheri so the crowd still gave a mad round of applause, glad that she had at least come onto stage…

In an unrelated development, Erique and Karen and the whole threesome have been under a whole lot of pressure lately…imagine yourself as a famous stuntman who has stared death in the eyeball so many

times. It is your grand performance today. You are all decked out in your leotard…you even have a hat on.

And the cameras are all on you. Today you are to carry a heavy object.

You get into position. They put the thing on your chest. Your buddies are all beside you cheering…ALL of them. Your grandma was flown in from Kitwek. She can barely see but she knows that leotard-clad grandson is doing something big with his life. She’s eating a burger. The cameras are glaring. That hot hot Peurto-Rican is hosting the

show, telling the world that you are the strongest thing alive since Badang. You are set to get with her after your feat. And then you feel your chest start to give way under the weight… Erique and Karen and the whole threesome intimated that they are under that kinda pressure.

In other news, Streetsider was walking down the street…lol. Okay, scratch that. Streetsider was walking down an alley when cupid saw him and decided, “Hey, I have run outta intelligent people to shoot my arrows at. How about I take a jab at someone who thinks a lawsuit is what you wear to court? Someone like that hunched over nigger?” Stop gaping, my sources clearly stated that cupid actually used the N-word. So cupid shot. Five times. And then the arrows finally dug through the dirt and got to Streetsider’s skin. Cupid huffed, but he didn’t puff..those are bad manners. He huffed and sent another arrow. This one got to the skin. Now streetsider is in love…

Nodesix showed us again that even the high and mighty, the people that drive blogville, the people who

if they chose to stop the car and take a pee we’d all have to wait, the people if they sneezed we’d all

get ebola…yes, nodesix, those people…they showed us that even they have moments when their English

lets ‘em down. Yes Bush showed us that but this is Nodesix!! I love the boneboard..But Martha, eh!

Design kingdom is the ish and a bag of chips, chicken and rolex.

Aunti pope (like anti gravity, anti Christ, anti poop) also got onto stage after Cheri, she held her ground, took a jab at a one Queen bee and then she walked off stage..Channel was scheduled to do her thing after her but she snobbed the event. That’s usually Bobi Wine’s territory…he has a hot new song btw.

(plays it for those watching the news. I show them a hot stroke I learnt from the last Kiggunda)

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