Running title

In an effort to be associated with ballistics, and on-top-of-the-worldness, and speed, and everything fast, I present, ways in which Usain Bolt and I are the same. We have so much in common we might be brothers from a different mother. If I could get to him, we’d do DNA stuff. But he hasn’t replied my mail yet, and the number of his that I have is never on. And I think flying to Jamaica would be taking it a tad too far, I still have some pride left. So till he replies my mail and inserts that strand of hair I asked for, I cannot be 100% sure. Just 80%. Presenting, the basis of the 80% certainty:

• Bolt, like me, loves yams. This is the strongest link to our being brothers. We could be the only two people who love yams the way we do. I know there’s fufu and stuff like that in West Africa. But that’s different. Seriously.
• The guy is 6’5’’ and I am 5’6’’…what are the chances of that eh?
• He has never gotten a groin injury. You know how those things are so commonplace? Like lice? Ok, bad example. But yes, no groin injury. Neither have I….amazing.
• “…But with 20 meters remaining, the 21-year-old looked around, and, when realizing he had a strong lead, he started celebrating before he crossed the finish line…”. I do that too. One time, it was just me and the goalkeeper…and I knew I’d breeze past the poor chap, so I celebrated.
• He is always tired after races. Strange as it may seem, I am also always tired after races. It cannot be a coincidence.
• He has big quotes: “I just blew my mind and blew the world’s mind.” I also have big quotes. I even have some about blowing. “Streetsider loves to blow his own mind and himself”. Bolt and I are deep.
• Today is his birthday. We share year of birth. No, it’s not my birthday. We wouldn’t be brothers then would we? You’d see me as a fake. A poser. Kiwani. But I am the real deal.
• You have seen the guy pose after races? Also, “…Bolt expresses a love for dancing and his character is frequently described as laid-back and relaxed.” Lulu, me, laid-back and relaxed, ya? I also have a love for dancing, especially when forced by my boss. Every Wednesday. Mid-week office entertainment. They should get a radio for that. Next time that boss asks me for mid-week dancing, I’ll run away. And time myself while at it.

My case is proved. 80% certainty that dude is my bro. I believe not-so-long from today, there’ll be another fast guy, one so fast they’d have to show us races in slow motion. Seriously. It won’t be long, But till then, my brother’s time in the sun is a relief…I so love the fact that he is not from one of the high-and-mighty nations (US and UK); they’d make it mandatory to say ‘Bolt’ after every two breaths. Our delegates would have to wear ‘Bolt’ t-shirts when going to ask for loans. They’d erect. Let’s hold that sentence right there while you muse on it. They’d erect.

Done? Ok. They’d erect Bolt statues in every village. They’d scrap the word ‘running’ from the dictionary and replace it with ‘Bolting’ or an informal ‘usaining’. Brother, if you read this, send that strand eh? Later man. Off to time myself, we may hold speed in common.