THE WHORE of finances

I can read your mind. I know, I know, you get enough such BS from your wife/ wives/ its-complicated…but really, I can read your mind. I know that while Jny was reading this, he opened (in rather small windows) two steamy web-pages…now he has closed one…and opened 3 new ones…and now he is fidgeting with yesterday’s unfinished beer which is under his work desk…

Now all the non-Jny chaps, your mind keeps screaming one thing and one thing only…you want to be:

Rich…oppressively wealthy. Affluent…you poop anywhere knowing you have a paid hand following closely behind to do the cleaning up…you beat up attackers with wads of money… …you read Forbes, see the money Trump has and you make fun of his hair style coz you know you have waaaaay more; the rest of us think it’s a pretty cool hair style, as if… in riots, you stone police with heavy wads of money.

Now you have come to the right place. My years of financial whoring have given me some great insights. Yes Streetsider, I know that you too have years of whoring, write your own piece okay…yes, the whoring has seen me spend several days critically examining people from all walks of life, and studying what makes them tick financially..and in so doing, I have compiled an extensive list of what’s tick financially. I studied conductors in taxis, boda boda riders, musicians, some bloggers (don’t gasp), campus girls, working-class girls, campus girls with a lisp, those with braids, those with dimples…the comprehensive list, and a whole lot more can be found in my book ‘THE WHORE of finances’…it comes(snigger snigger…even I didn’t see that pun coming)…it comes with a free CD on whoring forms. The finance ones. Yes Carsozy…aha…aha…yes, I know I said that it’s a free CD, but you only get it AFTER you buy a book. What do you mean ‘So it’s not free!’. Wise-ass…sit down. It’s my class you know…I’m warning you, any more of that and I send the blogcks to you again.

Anyways, (solemn face), brethren, readers, urchins (Erique and Streetsider), to become rich, you need a hot idea, something no one has thought of. Bill Gates looked at a TV and said, “If I give people the power to touch and feel that thing while it responds positively to their [sometimes] gentle prodding, I’ll be rich.” So outta the hundreds of great ideas in my book, ‘THE WHORE of finances’, I give you this one, just to wet you palette.

(Extract from ‘THE WHORE of finances’. Buy your copy today!! Now!! )

IDEA 151: Text messages that punch the recipient. Or deliver jolts of electricity.

Target market: All frustrated mobile users.

Potential use 1: She texts, “I am sorry, it is over”. You text, A BLOW. (of course the first text is ‘Sob sob…but I loved you, I gave my all to you, you took my…my money’).

Potential use 2: Your phone gets stolen. You text 5 BLOWS. Then walk the streets looking for a chic lying knocked-out from phone blows. Yes, we are onto you women, we know you are behind the phone-snatching racket around town…

There’s still need to refine this technology to stop wrong recipients from getting your text. Imagine you send one to ‘Mum’ by mistake.

More grand ideas from ‘THE WHORE of finances’ when we return…