Sleek and Wild

Special delivery

Fang Shui woke with a bang. Dang, that hurt! Time-check…oh shit, he’d been asleep for a whole 6 minutes. Not good, not good at all. “Have to deliver package…have to deliver package”…heart racing. He reached out for her….gone! Stupid whore, she left with the best 5 seconds of his life…But no time for whiny tears, have to deliver package…have to deliver package. He felt around for the package…feeling, feeeling, feeling…nothing…he started to feel himself then he thought better of it…get package! Ah, there it is…he picked it up and made a crazy dash for the door, the rickety I’ll-hit-your-tall-ass door. The musky early morning air slapped him a welcome. A mouthful will do just fine, thank you…now to dash…craaap! Local priest, Chang Pot Poi, on his way to mount Pimpei, had bumped into him and he’d somehow managed to spill three drops of white, gooey pooey on Fang Lui’s angry-brown shirt…craaap! Now for the face-off…no priest spills gooey pooey on Fang Lui’s angry-brown shirt and gets away with it.

“No battle cries pastor, I’m going to whoop your lofty (ahem) without making a sound…apart from this just-concluded statement that is.” Fang Lui

“I pray for your soul young ‘un…coz the whooping I deliver was last seen when the Vikings raided Nigeria…” Greying priest

(Pause as leaves flutter to the ground)

(Priest squints eyes, everything fades into the background,save for a lone picture of his lord and savior)

(Fang Lui widens eyes, taking in every detail, even the mole on Priest’s left cheek)

Fang is the first to move, ever so fast…

(now writing in slow-motion mode to get all details of Fang’s attack)

left jab, right legheadedforTheHead then QuickLeftLegHeadedForTheGroin…

Priest dodges the jab, uses his hand to fend off the kickToTheHead but he’s not fast enough to guard against KickInTheGroin…ka! It hits home…Fang waits for a reaction….none. Ah shit, he remembers that the Priest, for lack of use for them, has no balls…evolution. Darwin.

Too late, Priest has already smiled at Fang’s feeble attempt..nobody’s home sucker!

(Priest moves into super uber faster fast mode)

(Writing in slow motion mode to keep up)

(Whirlwind of activity, not possible to keep up, writer only sees Fang on ground, Priest walking away)…

(Sometime later)

Fang comes to….ah shit, deliver package…deliver package…

   May 26th, 2010    Stranger than fiction